i kept starting to comment but this is going to end up far too long to be a comment and i realized perhaps it was better just to post.... this is really hard for me and very humbling but as i have already told some people i figured especially after mom's post i would start us off on being truly real with everyone in the hopes that it would open the door for all of us to be honest and work on changing...
A few months ago I read Rees Howells book intercessor ( highly recommend it for those who have not read it) and in the book He discusses his struggle to be filled with the Holy Spirit. In the book he confesses that God was very clear to Him that before he could be filled he had to give up what he held on to that was most dear. ... Upon thinking about this, I instantly knew if I was honest there was something that I held most dear... running, being in shape...caring about my size... I realized that this was a huge idol in my life that i needed to give up... While I am sure this might sound silly to others I really realized I loved exercising more than anything... and my time over past years would testify to that...
While I did make some starts towards changing my outlook ... not going to the gym... trying to change...I confess I forgot after a while and thought maybe I was overreacting... Until about a little over a month ago I was shocked when it came up again.... for multiple weeks there was a constant theme to what everyone i spoke to friends, family, in laws, grandparents kept asking me about or talking with me about... if I was exercising again, talking about how much I like the gym, that they were sure I would get back in shape, how weight had i lost etc... I was struck that if I was given my one line in the Bible it would read " And Tyna who loves to Run and Be in Shape is busy occupying her time with just that!"
I also in the past few months ran into certain girl I knew. As we talked I was struck by how much her mind was occupied with about being in shape and being worried about how skinny her husband was or wasn't . It was not at all attractive and I was struck how though she was very tiny she wasn't pretty at all but a whole lot closer to ugly almost...., and I was struck that that is how I have been ... I have to confess that it is very humbling to have God reveal to you exactly how He sees you ... Though I did find comfort because God only chastens those whom He loves... and I know He has much larger aspirations for me than being a marathon runner..lol
I am telling you all this because I thought it might open the ground for all of us sisters to be real to each other.... I mean really real. I have since that time been consciously working on renewing my mind as to what a truly pretty woman is and actively doing things like not working out, caring about what i eat...trying to focus on being known for what I do and my walk with the Lord... I realize this will take time to re-establish a testimony but I am determined to be known to others for more than my athletic ability or being in shape... and I would appreciate all of your encouragement as I after giving in to a lie so long I can say I still don't struggle nor is it that easy to change long habits especially in your mind...... I think if all of us would be real with each other and confess our struggles and pray and help eachother we would be amazed how easy it was to stand together as opposed to trying to stand alone... I do think if we are going to start being real we need to start being kind to each other.. I think all of us are not always as kind towards each other as we should be nor are we nice is someone admits a struggle... I think we tend to pounce on each other instead of praying.. I want to say I am sorry as I know I have not been the loving sister I should be and want to be and do better...so I thought I would go first and hope you all will pray not pounce on me..
... mom's post made me think of Ecclesiastics where it talks about a three cord strand is not easily broken and God gave us five sisters and a godly mom not three so how much easier should it be for us if we would help each other... I think all of us can easily wear modest clothing, the harder challenge in my mind, is in renewing our minds as to what pretty really looks like..I want to be a pretty woman for what I do and my walk with the Lord..
hope this made at least a little bit of sense as this is your all's sister who doesn't explain well...
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6 comments:
It makes sense and then some! I have to confess that I have really struggled with not feeling frumpy and old at work. The woman have all gone to a whole 'nother level, and it is can be so easy to become desensitized. You slip before you know there was even a problem.
I am praying for you sister, and be kind to yourself!
Love you!
I must admit that I really appreciate your honesty. I had one phone call in particular from my previous post that also was very real and honest. I really treasure that transparency because God deals with an honest heart. It is so hard in our culture to realize that beauty is primarily an internal quality, because everything culturally focuses on "image" which is an imagined/externally projected quality, rather than a real or concrete one.
I think that you do explain well, so don't downplay yourself. I appreciate you honesty and will be praying for you. I think that weight loss can be addictive and working out as well. You are so right that it will take over your life and society is obsessed with it. I applaud your resolve and will be keeping you in my prayers more specifically for this. Love you
honesty is beautiful and at the same time very hard because nothing makes a situation more real than to voice it and share it with others. there is no turning back and pretending it away, it causes you to look it in the face and deal with it. i hope and pray that we all will be kinda and gracious to each other, and im sorry for the times when i have not been, because i know that i have. I think its hard with so many of us, and all being so close in age not to have "pretty" contests. imagine the good that would come of us all comparing our good works and loving hearts instead of our pants sizes! i love you dearly and so much for being willing to share. i miss u :)
Rachel, I love your comment. Imagine the revolution that would come in our culture if women were focused on the inside qualities.... There are whole industries that would collapse.
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